"Do not remove a fly from a friend's head with a hatchet"

(The astrological chart for Osama bin Laden)

Tonight was a little rough. It never feels good to have someone assassinate what they perceive to be your character. Though it wasn't too bad, as I have been marinating in Novocaine for the past few weeks.

Lately it seems that I have only be able to incite anger, hurt and sorrow. I have disappointed many people. I have been too wrapped up in my own bullshit to carve out a bit of time to visit Katie and Ashlynn. I hope to seem them on Monday or Tuesday. Katie if you read this, once again I'm sorry for being so self-absorbed. I love you. I will be there this week with lots of clothes for the peanut.

I suffer from an acute case of the middle-class blues. If I were Amish I would not have time to worry about things like happiness and fulfillment. The problem is that we have too many choices and too much leisure. It gives us time to create conflict and search for things that are probably as real as the tooth fairy.

I wonder about the birth of the Tooth Fairy. Can you picture some guy thinking, "You know, I should pay my children for their lost primary teeth. But I have to do it incognito. I'll tell my kid to leave his incisor under the pillow for an oddly dressed person with wings to come for in the dead of night"

It's just freaking weird. And we don't even need to discuss the garishly dressed, obese man with a penchant for juveniles nesting in his lap. This year for Christmas I'm going to buy Santa a Lap-Band. He's too fat and I don't want my daughter exposed to such gluttony in the spirit of Christhings.

I have no desire to lie to Maddie about mythical people with weird fetishes bringing them things. And don't pull the whole, "you're depriving her of childhood whimsy" BS. No I am not, I'm choosing not to fill her head with rubbish. If she wants a little magic, she can go on a snipe-hunt.

Fuck the Tooth fairy. Santa can go get bent, and the Easter Bunny can choke on a cecotrope.