"Why"
AL
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Saturday, May 05, 2007
I sound like a phone sex operator but i am feeling a little better. I think the gin i drank last night killed the germs and any remaining dignity.
I woke up this morning on the couch & remembered sobbing at 3am and wondered if it was important. It wasn't. Stupid shit about school & me thinking that hubby didn't want me to go. I apparently kept calling him a fucking idiot before taking a 15 minute shower that didn't involve soap - only me sitting in the tub hugging my knees & crying. How's that for a cliche? Point of all this is that booze amplifies everything & sometimes i'm a shitty drunk. Overall, the night was good.
Bought kick ass hope chest at the Kane County freak show today. Going to celebrate Cinco de Mayo now.
I woke up this morning on the couch & remembered sobbing at 3am and wondered if it was important. It wasn't. Stupid shit about school & me thinking that hubby didn't want me to go. I apparently kept calling him a fucking idiot before taking a 15 minute shower that didn't involve soap - only me sitting in the tub hugging my knees & crying. How's that for a cliche? Point of all this is that booze amplifies everything & sometimes i'm a shitty drunk. Overall, the night was good.
Bought kick ass hope chest at the Kane County freak show today. Going to celebrate Cinco de Mayo now.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Voyeurism
My sister-in-law is passed out on the couch and i take full responsibility for her current state of inebriation.
About 11:15pm the phone rings - whenever someone calls at this hour my gut seizes as i imagine twisted steel & cardiac arrest. Steve answered and immediately passed the phone to me - it was his sister.
Her husband has been having some sort of relationship with another woman. It has not been established that this kinship has evolved past platonic, but no matter - she is hurt; pissed; slighted; wronged.
To explain the SIL - she is who we fondly refer to as Mother Hen. She makes sure we toe the line, fulfill our familial obligations & live clean. She can be a Nazi at times, but is selfless and thoughtful.
She tries to create a perfect existence. She thrives on normalcy and routine. We butt heads but love one another.
So when i received her call late this evening i was concerned. She had left her impressionable 10 year old & helpless eight-week old daughters at home.
I told her to come over & fed her booze.
We talked & she's sleeping on the couch. Steve will wake her in the morning & i will take my daughter to her house for daycare tomorrow.
SIL doesn't drink very often (her husband is a dry drunk so she feels guilty indulging). I'm glad i was able to be here for her. I feel shitty that her life is upturned.
She is drunkenly slumbering on the couch with a couple of cats & i wanted to stay up for a bit to make sure she would be alright.
I am witnessing someone else's train wreck. She has rationalized her way through her feelings but that still doesn't offer any answers.
To be Human is to Suffer. That's what we do. Hopefully the good stuff is what shines through.
About 11:15pm the phone rings - whenever someone calls at this hour my gut seizes as i imagine twisted steel & cardiac arrest. Steve answered and immediately passed the phone to me - it was his sister.
Her husband has been having some sort of relationship with another woman. It has not been established that this kinship has evolved past platonic, but no matter - she is hurt; pissed; slighted; wronged.
To explain the SIL - she is who we fondly refer to as Mother Hen. She makes sure we toe the line, fulfill our familial obligations & live clean. She can be a Nazi at times, but is selfless and thoughtful.
She tries to create a perfect existence. She thrives on normalcy and routine. We butt heads but love one another.
So when i received her call late this evening i was concerned. She had left her impressionable 10 year old & helpless eight-week old daughters at home.
I told her to come over & fed her booze.
We talked & she's sleeping on the couch. Steve will wake her in the morning & i will take my daughter to her house for daycare tomorrow.
SIL doesn't drink very often (her husband is a dry drunk so she feels guilty indulging). I'm glad i was able to be here for her. I feel shitty that her life is upturned.
She is drunkenly slumbering on the couch with a couple of cats & i wanted to stay up for a bit to make sure she would be alright.
I am witnessing someone else's train wreck. She has rationalized her way through her feelings but that still doesn't offer any answers.
To be Human is to Suffer. That's what we do. Hopefully the good stuff is what shines through.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
familiarity and contempt
i keep reading the same short story
the pages are curling and bent
sometimes i skip the last paragraph
tonight i went right to the end
the pages are curling and bent
sometimes i skip the last paragraph
tonight i went right to the end
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