Thursday, May 03, 2007

Voyeurism

My sister-in-law is passed out on the couch and i take full responsibility for her current state of inebriation.

About 11:15pm the phone rings - whenever someone calls at this hour my gut seizes as i imagine twisted steel & cardiac arrest. Steve answered and immediately passed the phone to me - it was his sister.

Her husband has been having some sort of relationship with another woman. It has not been established that this kinship has evolved past platonic, but no matter - she is hurt; pissed; slighted; wronged.

To explain the SIL - she is who we fondly refer to as Mother Hen. She makes sure we toe the line, fulfill our familial obligations & live clean. She can be a Nazi at times, but is selfless and thoughtful.

She tries to create a perfect existence. She thrives on normalcy and routine. We butt heads but love one another.

So when i received her call late this evening i was concerned. She had left her impressionable 10 year old & helpless eight-week old daughters at home.

I told her to come over & fed her booze.

We talked & she's sleeping on the couch. Steve will wake her in the morning & i will take my daughter to her house for daycare tomorrow.

SIL doesn't drink very often (her husband is a dry drunk so she feels guilty indulging). I'm glad i was able to be here for her. I feel shitty that her life is upturned.

She is drunkenly slumbering on the couch with a couple of cats & i wanted to stay up for a bit to make sure she would be alright.

I am witnessing someone else's train wreck. She has rationalized her way through her feelings but that still doesn't offer any answers.

To be Human is to Suffer. That's what we do. Hopefully the good stuff is what shines through.

2 comments:

Nat said...

what makes us stronger and truly triumph is suffering. it could, however, be identified by many names. It sucks and you think this person doesn't deserve this life. but myself, being ever the optimist (i know i don't quite fit in w/ this crowd :o), has to think of the big picture. the journey. the journey is so important; it's all about the journey, i keep hearing my sensei and others say. what is it that makes life so special? worth living, worth looking back and saying, wow, that really f-ing sucked? look at what came of it. blood, sweat, and many tears later, look at who i am. what i have accomplished. how far i have come.

everyone is born with the potential of greatness. it is our drive, our suffering, struggling, that facilitates us closer to our potential. it is w/ each struggle that we achieve a higher level. a higher level of conscious, a higher level of self, bringing us closer to our potential.

i agree. to be human is to suffer. and i definitely, w/o a doubt, believe that the good stuff, what we take from it, shines though.

Nat said...

through.