Pondside 2005 digital

i like trees

(2003 at Leroy Oakes, 35mm sepia toned on photoshop)

coloring outside the lines

("Oil Pan" 2003 Kodak VS E100 slide film)
I do not want to raise my daughter to think that she has to act like a girl. Because that is what it is - an act. Why is it that little boys get to wear bold and colorful clothes with dinosaurs, solar systems and trucks while girls are expected to simper in delicate pastel outfits that say things like "future princess"? Did anyone ever think that maybe girls like color and machinery and have aspirations to be firefighters or construction workers. The same goes for boys - did anyone ever stop to ask little Billy if he might like to take dance lessons or play with kittens?

Little boys ask for Barbies and rarely get them - their ignorant parents think it will make them gay. Girls are praised for being beautiful, well-behaved and helpful while boys are lauded for their intelligence and physical aptitude. While its true that boys are typically more spatially coordinated and girls possess more emotional intelligence that does not mean that other abilities should not be fostered to the same degree. I want my daughter to be strong, confident, beautiful, smart and sweet - i don't think that is impossible.

When a girl is constantly told how pretty she is she grows up believing her physical appearance is her greatest asset. Of course i want my daughter to be attractive - but that should not be her life's ambition. I guess i am annoyed because i look at what sort of toys, clothing and games are geared towards either male or female children and i think the sexism is unfair to both genders.

I vow to raise my daughter in a fairly gender neutral enviroment. I will not teach her to be "ladylike" - i will raise her to be polite and compassionate, the same as i would instruct a son. This is not to say that she will not wear pink dresses or play with dolls, but i want her to know there are other options out there. It's all about balance.

my little porkchop

(Madeline ~1 month old, digital by Steve 2005)

i'm feeling a bit unfresh

(Scan of "Magic Latern" slide of Great Chicago Fire found at Kane County Flea Market)
George Bush is a douche bag. When i see his smug monkey face on the television, my blood pressure rises and i am filled with almost tangible loathing. I have neither the time nor the energy to recount all of the reasons why i think he deserves to be drawn and quartered (are the men in black going to take me away for saying that???) Gas prices are high - his solution - don't buy gas. For the average person to suggest that is one thing - its an entirely different issue when the leader of the freaking country offers that gem of advice. Enough ranting - he is unworthy of my keystrokes.

i was so much older then...

(Madeline's toes 8/5/05 digital)
look at all the little piggies

This past Saturday my fiance, Steve and i went on our first post-baby "date" at the urging of my parents. They so kindly offered to come to our house and babysit our little bundle of joy. We a nice, but too expensive for our means dinner and some drinks. It had been quite awhile since we had done the whole "dinner, drinks, live entertainment with cover charge" thing and that fact became obvious when we realized we went out with nothing more than plastic in our wallets. Of course that evening the ATM at the joint was out of service and we could not pay the cover. To make matters worse, my fiance had a slight incident with an overweight, overzealous "bouncer" who was exercising his right to be a bit of a prick. (The incident was nothing big, mind you, just the bouncer, who was definetly picked on his entire life and probably suffered nicknames like "lard ass" or "lord of the pansies" was just exerting his wee bit o'authority in a rather pudlike manner)

We ended up at the erstwhile "martini bar" that i used to frequent during what i like to refer to as my "touch with alcoholism"days. The bar had changed ownership in the last year and was not the same as i had so carefully left it. This used to be my bar - where i always felt comfortable and could tie one on for minimal dough. I had been going there since before i was legal and i have many fond, if not slightly hazy memories of my beloved watering hole. I knew it wouldn't be the same - life does not happen in a vacuum - but i hoped that i could still feel that soft blanket of familiarity when i parked my ass at the bar and ordered a cold one. There were faces i recognized, cold beer and a warm barkeep. I know that life will continue to trudge on whether I like it or not - this bar (that i romanticize now to be better than it really was) is an element of my life i would have liked to tuck under a bell jar and preserve for later. Perhaps it is better this way - they say you can never go back home. So for now i will be all quaint and touching about a place that is undeserving of my sentimentality - cheers and good riddance