("Cigarette in the Ashtray" 2003, Kodak slide film)It's one am and i can't fall asleep. i'm tired as hell but my brain refuses to stop running. If i was still a drunk i'd go get a glass of wine...or take some pills to calm the nasties in my head. I keep thinking about people i knew that are now dead.
See, this pregnant woman got killed by a drunk driver the other day and it really bothers me. Then i think about drunk drivers - i was once the victim of a drunk driver - i think about how many times i drove drunk, how many of my friends drive drunk on a regular basis, i am thinking about my friend Gabe that killed himself and another passenger Memorial Day weekend in 04 on route 30 in big rock coming back from a night of long drinking - i saw his dad at Jewel on Sunday - he had a tan because he just returned from the bahamas - see, the last two christmases he and his family have left for the islands during the holidays because it's too hard to be around here. his spirit was crushed the night his son died - gabe was the one who made him a dad and it's hard to look at him sometimes and not cry.
i watched this stupid movie on tbs tonight called Angel Eyes - it had j lo in it - i cried a lot towards the end - now i can't sleep cuz i feel sad. i want to wake my baby up and kiss her. i don't know why it sometimes feels good to be sad - not like some sixteen year old goth kid carving her flesh to The Cure sad - but just Sad - like, "damn, people i love will keep dying and that's ok, but it still hurts to know this"
Well, i'm ok, you're ok - Life is Suffering and calming white waves wash over me...
See, this pregnant woman got killed by a drunk driver the other day and it really bothers me. Then i think about drunk drivers - i was once the victim of a drunk driver - i think about how many times i drove drunk, how many of my friends drive drunk on a regular basis, i am thinking about my friend Gabe that killed himself and another passenger Memorial Day weekend in 04 on route 30 in big rock coming back from a night of long drinking - i saw his dad at Jewel on Sunday - he had a tan because he just returned from the bahamas - see, the last two christmases he and his family have left for the islands during the holidays because it's too hard to be around here. his spirit was crushed the night his son died - gabe was the one who made him a dad and it's hard to look at him sometimes and not cry.
i watched this stupid movie on tbs tonight called Angel Eyes - it had j lo in it - i cried a lot towards the end - now i can't sleep cuz i feel sad. i want to wake my baby up and kiss her. i don't know why it sometimes feels good to be sad - not like some sixteen year old goth kid carving her flesh to The Cure sad - but just Sad - like, "damn, people i love will keep dying and that's ok, but it still hurts to know this"
Well, i'm ok, you're ok - Life is Suffering and calming white waves wash over me...
1 comment:
can so relate to the begining
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