my last three remaining braincells wanted me to tell you hello & that they are doing fine

(Fence in Aurora Library parking lot 2003, 35mm B&W film)
I am so very tired. Caring for an eight week old is taking it's toll on my sanity. Revision: lack of adequate sleep caused by caring for this small person is kicking my ass. The last couple of years as well as my entire pregnancy was plagued by insomnia. I could not fall asleep and stay asleep before 5am without a chemical lullaby. Being the conscientious mother that i am i did not use any unnatural sleep aids during my incubation period save for the couple of nights i was so desperate for sleep that i took benadryl (my friend the OB RN said go for it). You see, I could sleep very easily and soundly from the hours of 7am - 2pm. However, not working third shift this sleep pattern did not work out so well for being a constructive individual. I ended up dropping out of school my last semester because i wanted to sleep, but i convinced myself that i dropped my classes, which i might add i was doing very well in, because i was denied financial aid and couldn't finishing paying for my classes. I was feeling pretty ambitious two weeks ago about returning in January to take the last four classes i need but i am afraid the whole no sleep thing will just make me tired and depressed again. So i sit here drinking coffee and bitching about being tired. I guess what i find sadly amusing is that for years i couldn't (literally) sleep and now i can't (not allowed) sleep.

Here is an example of how new motherhood is turning me into a caricature of the brain dead new mommy: I went to Dunkin Donuts yesterday morning to get a bagel before work. I get up to the window, pay for my bagel and am off on my merry way. Too bad i didn't stick around long enough to actually get the damn thing. I realized after i was turning into the parking lot at my work that i had left without receiving my eggandcheeseonasalsabagel. Hunger outweighed dignity and so i turned around and went back. I felt like an idiot but i had my bagel. I did laugh at myself, but it was there was a sick sort of desperation behind my laughter.

As for now, my own personal tiny human demands my undivided attention...