Form follows function

The last few days I haven't felt that great. I have been angry and frustrated with situations that are largely out of my control, namely the actions of other people. Usually I'm pretty good at keeping my head, but I've have lost it a few times. Last night the anger was replaced by an eerie calm. While I enjoy the brief interludes of objectivity and a slightly flat affect, it is perceived by others as cold and detached.

More than one person thinks that my lack of outward emotion indicates that I am unfeeling. This is not the case, but it is how I operate much of the time. I don't have much control over when the switch is flipped. I like to think I do, and sometimes I can voluntarily quell my emotions and reactions to things on such a level that I cannot even perceive them myself unless I completely deconstruct.

I don't particularly like this dead horizon right now, but it is what I see when I look out the window. I have been running on raw feeling for a while and I finally cracked. This sounds worse than it actually is. Down-time is good for me and allows me to examine my motivations and reactions from a more objective viewpoint.

Please, don't mistake this for anything other than what it is.

Happy October, Y'all

2007 was an impatient year, but you will log no complaints from me. '06 ended with a pantload of uncertainty and a shot of hope.

One cold January night I went to bed with a stinging sadness but had the most amazing dream. The next morning, after clearing the sleep from my eyes, I found that the world had changed, or maybe it was just me. The bite in the air that kept me in a state of hibernation was gone. Spring came early this year, or maybe it was late. Either way, I woke up.

Summer is admitting defeat and deferring to Autumn. Soon it will be winter and for the first time in my life, I am impatient for the first snowfall. I look forward to the frozen terra and long nights because I finally got a good pair of gloves and a warm coat.