(Downtown Aurora 2003 taken with Polaroid 779 instant print film)
I have entered the world of blogging. Do i believe that i have anything worthwhile to say? Probably not. This would have been great ten years ago during my angst-ridden teen years. You know the routine: sitting at Denny's, chain-smoking, drinking coffee, reading beat poetry, hanging out with a bunch of folks with some type of substance abuse problem (they're really brilliant, honestly!) Doc's, classic rock, pot, self-mutilation, Prozac, psychiatrists, and really bad poetry. Yeah, that version of me would have really loved the whole blog thing. So now why i have i decided to do this? Maybe because i just recently had a baby and became engaged and i am afraid of losing myself in the homogeny of family life. Perhaps by having this little outlet i will hold on to a piece of myself that is not so responsible, optimistic or stable. I have changed a lot since i was fifteen, but at the core i am still the same Sad Girl who dreams big and does nothing - who lives vicariously through the creative endeavors of others and who wants to be Someone. I am not supposed to get depressed anymore unless its defined "postpartum", i am to dress appropriately, not drink too much, go to endless family functions and use my crock pot like a good little wife. I sound bitter as hell at the moment. Maybe this is not such a good intro for me. I am not unhappy, though at the moment i sound pretty pissy - i guess i am just coming to terms with this new facet of my life and i don't know whether to fuck or run.
